Frank's Blog

Your employee has been showing up late…because their kid is in the middle of a sleep regression. Or maybe their marriage is on the rocks. Maybe all the stress of work and family has gotten to your neighbor…and that’s why they’re not taking care of their side of the street. Maybe that stranger has a sick kid or a ‘Just No MIL’ and it has eaten up every ounce of their attention or patience. Almost certainly that kid who is picking on your kid…is being picked on by someone in their own house.

We all know how hard our home life is, we know how it affects us–weighing on us, distracting us, making us act out. Well, we can safely assume that the same is true for everyone else. So we should then act with the corresponding empathy and understanding.

Everyone is going through something. They don’t need more crap from you.

Daily Dad newsletter titled “Everyone Has Something Going On”.

I’m glad I stumbled on this, because it resonated. A lot.

Don’t forget:

You can not make other adults change.

They can choose to be miserable, to stay down, to not reach out for help, to not choose healing or forgiveness or reconnection. They can choose to not like you. They can choose to leave.

You can’t make them change or do anything they don’t want to do. So don’t waste your time and energy.

Instead, do your best to get up, change, and heal you.

You are the only person you can change.

Dr John Delony on his Instagram.

This hit home!

Do you feel yourself holding back your true opinion? Are you intentionally avoiding conflict?

If so, your people-pleasing traits could be burying your own point of view, which is when you might want to make a change.

A great quote from Bo Seo, who I recently posted about, made me rethink what it means when I intentionally hold back!

You find yourself holding your tongue, and that alienates you from yourself.

Bo Seo

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

From a book by Kent M. Keith called “The Silent Revolution: Dynamic Leadership in the Student Council”

Bo Seo, 2 times world debate champion, was asked “ what’s the most counter intuitive tip you would give on how to have better argument?”

He said “I think it would be to choose your battle and that means letting arguments go, even when you know you can win.”

Great tip!

If every thing was going the way you wanted, what would your day look like? (if you don’t know what the perfect day looks like for you, how will you know, when you get there or how to work towards it?!)

And is there one thing you can do today, to get you close to your desired future?

Do you actually need more information, or do you simply need to act on the information you already have?

Thank you, James Clear, for posting this one on your Instagram. It came at the right time!

What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?

This is a question you can ask yourself as we get close to the end of the year. It allows you to see what needs to change without putting any work on anyone. If you want to be better and have better, you need to work on yourself and change.

Here is to conducting a yearly review of ourselves.

The voice inside your head. The one that doubts you before you take a leap, the one that talks to you before you ask her out, before you do an interview, …

Pay attention to what it says to you! (what you say to yourself)

When you do something good (Feed a hungry kid): “that was a good thing buddy!”

When you do something terrible or get rejected (when you ask her out and she says no): “what was I thinking, she is out of my league anyways, did I ever think she would say yes? Nice try buddy! What is wrong with me anyways, why do I keep getting rejected, last week my interview didn’t go so well, and I wonder why no one wants me! Do I smell bad, was it my jokes, is it my hair, oh maybe it’s my clothes, …”

This is me!

A lot of work to do.

As psychologist Angela Duckworth says, the first thing to do when you’re going through this spiral is to notice what is happening and be aware of what you’re telling yourself. That’s the first step.

Cheers to this insight, and to the work it comes with!

PS: Studies have shown that there are people who don’t have an inner voice, who can’t talk to themselves. I wonder what my life would look like if I didn’t have one. (or theirs if they had one). Would it be life as usual or would something good or bad happen to me and just move on to the next without giving it many thoughts… I wonder.

This morning I started reading Patrick Lencioni’s book, The Ideal Team Player: A Leadership Fable about the Three Essential Virtues. It is a wonderful book that everyone who works in a team, wants to work in a team, or leads a team will be glad to read.
Coincidentally, I scrolled through my LinkedIn and I saw someone named Dallin Harmon posted a beautiful summary of the three virtues, and I thought I will share it with you.

Here is a summary of the three essential virtues to be an ideal team player:

1. Virtue #1 – Humble
   Don’t brag or show excessive pride in achievements. Recognized without begging for more attention. Remove themselves from being the center point of the conversation. Look for opportunities to recognize the accomplishments of others. Think with a group mentality when it comes to success.
   
2. Virtue #2 – Hungry
   Aspire to be the best at all they do. Ask how they can improve and develop. Seek mentorship and learning opportunities. Aren’t simply content with their past successes. Establish a culture of taking the lead without being asked to. They contribute and detest the idea of disappointing the group.
   
3. Virtue #3 – Smart
   Use common sense. Focus on enhancing their emotional intelligence. Embrace a growth mentality and look for ways to learn new things. Show social and self-awareness when engaging with others. Consider how their actions, words, and behaviors affect the group. Seek to influence others for the better instead of yearning for power.